Michael's will to live

Just to set everyone straight, Michael Wachsmuth is hanging on. Michael is, however, in a coma.

Michael's request for his doctors and family late last night was that he be removed from the ventilator. The issue was discussed last night and the decision was made to wait until today. This morning, the family met with doctors and Michael again.

The machine has been turned off. Michael's heart stopped momentarily. But it started beating on it's own and he is breathing. There is just fresh air under his nose, or something like that.

As of 3:05 p.m., Michael is still fighting. Although he requested to be taken off the machines, he has a will to live. Or it is God's will.

Renee Breun and I drove to Rochester yesterday. Michael had a lot to say. To everyone.
He had specific instructions for everyone to follow. He spoke with his parents Mike and Laura, each separately one-on-one. He also had private conferences with his sisters Krista and April, his brother Andrew, his cousin Jeremy, his uncle Kenny, and the rest of his family and his friends had time to visit.

He asked me to come talk with him. He had me sit in the chair to his pillow and I looked into his eyes.

He had a lot to say but first and foremost he wanted you to know right now is that he was not afraid to die. "I am happy," he said. He said that a lot. And he smiled. A lot.

He was not angry, at the world or the doctors or anyone. He said given the choice between life and death he would rather chose life. But he is a card player and he played the hand that was dealt to him.

He was in pain yesterday, he finally admitted. He said he could feel it in his head and in his body he said. The nurse pumped him with more fentanyl and other pain medications.

Before the drugs to hold he had a lot more to say, most of which I will write separately in "Michael's wish" (coming soon). He mouthed the words and I needed help interpreting parts. His family was near to help me out.

Before he closed his eyes, he said, "I am done. I am ready."

I looked into his eyes. He knew, and I knew, it would be the last time we saw each other in this world. I rubbed his head with fuzzy black hair and said, "Peace, Michael."

And he said, "I am. Thank you."

And he closed his eyes to sleep.

Renee and I left shortly after. His family stayed. He later, with everybody he loved near, he asked to be taken off life support. After discussions with the family and doctors, it was decided to wait until morning.

Earlier in the day before I had my heart-to-heart with Michael, I spoke with one of his neuro doctors. Dr. Tamika Burras showed me and some family members his last MRI and explained what was going on and what they should expect next.

Before she began, she stressed that now was the time for Michael. If anybody had anything to say to him, they should do it then. "It could be hours or days," she said.

The primary tumor is on his brain stem. It is much larger than a quarter. Surrounding the tumor is fluid in a sac that makes it appear even larger. All together it, "it is extremely large," she said.

Because of the location on the brain stem, the tumor is inoperable. It is also putting pressure on his involuntary reflexes like breathing. He is also a quadriplegic and he cannot swallow.

There is a secondary tumor within his spinal column. This tumor is thick and runs from the edge of C-1 to far edge of C-4. Again, the doc said, "That is also extremely large."

She spoke a bit and answered all questions we could think of. Michael had requested to be resuscitated should he "code" - heart stop. Because he is on a vent, and because of his request, he cannot be moved to a different place to die.

She explained what would probably happen before his heart stops beating, he will slip into a coma. He would not wake up from the coma. And he would pass peacefully.

She did not believe that he would survive without the vent. However, Michael has once again, defied the odds. He is still alive.

So that is where we are at now.

Now is a time for prayer. It is not the time for anger, rumors, resentment. It is time for compassion. Pray for peace and comfort for family and loved ones during this difficult time.

Peace.


“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”