Happy Thanksgiving

“We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.” Mother Teresa

Well, folks, that's it for me for the day. I have a few errands to run before heading south for Thanksgiving dinner with my family. South meaning Cannon Falls.

I just love getting together with my family. We have so much fun together you just could not imagine. I have three siblings who are some of the most awesome people I know. And their spouses are just as cool, adorable and lovable as my sibs.

Not to mention all of my way-cool nieces and nephews! Don't get me started. I am so proud of all of the them — big and small ones.

Where would any of us be without my mom and dad? Not to mention how very cool they are.

I am so thankful for my family. I have been truly blessed.

Happy thanksgiving to all of you!

Peace.


“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” Frederick Keonig

Michael Wachsmuth's benefit still on

"Firemen never die, they just burn forever in the hearts of the people whose lives they saved." ~Susan Diane Murphree

Although Michael Wachsmuth, a Garrison Firefighter, lost is battle with brain cancer, the benefit that was scheduled prior to his passing is still going forward as a memorial benefit. The Garrison Fire Auxiliary Association and the Garrison Fire Relief Association are working together to raise nearly $10,000 to cover the funeral expenses for the family.

DATE: December 6, 2008
WHERE: Blue Goose Inn, Garrison. Hwy. 169
WHAT AND WHEN: There will be a couple of things going on. Come for all of it, or part of it. You decide what works best for you.

Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tournament from 1 pm - 5 pm (Pre-registration is suggested as space is limited.) A suggested donation of $25 will be accepted for a buy-in to the tournament.
PIG ROAST with tons of trimmings: from 3 pm - 5 pm. Suggested donation of $10 per plate ages 12 and older. $5 per plate for children 11 years old and younger.
SILENT AUCTION and prize drawings will be held throughout the day.

If you have any items you would like to donate to the silent auction please contact either me or Renee Breun.

Thank you for your support.

Peace.


Any monetary donations are being accepted by making checks payable to:

The Garrison Fire Relief Association (Put Michael's name in memo line)

Mail checks to:
Garrison Fire Auxiliary Association
Attn: M. Wachsmuth
P.O. Box 254
Garrison, MN 56450

The entire community of Garrison has been involved with the benefit and is contributing in so many ways. Individuals and organizations have stepped up to offer support and help for one who so unselfishly served his community as a firefighter. I can't tell you how touching it is to witness such an outpouring of support.

Thank you all. I hope to see you Saturday, Dec. 6.

Peace.

Granola bars and cheese

I have come to the conclusion that I have a new pet. Despite valiant efforts to remove the flying squirrel from my house, he has defied them all. He has decided to stay. And why would he want to leave? He has an ample supply of food and it is toasty warm inside.

I am convinced he has learned to open and close the cupboard and refrigerator doors. We started finding granola bars in his nesting area on Saturday morning. Whole granola bars. Where he got them, we do not know. All of our snacks and cereal items have been placed in sealed plastic totes. And, actually, we have not had that kind of granola bars for a couple of weeks. So, either he found a stash somewhere in the house that I am unaware of, or he is going to the grocery store and buying his own to bring home and store up for the winter.

This morning, I found individually wrapped cheese slices in his hiding place. Well, my dog, Anna, found the first slice. The second slice was in his little "house."

The only place we store our cheese is in the refrigerator. The only logical explanation for finding cheese slices in his house, is that he learned to open the refrigerator door. And close it when he is done.

I am ready to set up night vision cameras in my kitchen. I don't have the equipment, but I think it would be very interesting to see how he does it. Perhaps the DNR would like to do a study on this smart little squirrel.

In the mean time, as long as he has made himself a pet, I think we should have a "name that squirrel" contest. My son thinks we should name him Rocky - as in Rocky and Bullwinkle. Bandit comes to my mind.

Feel free to weigh in on the naming of the squirrel. There will be no prizes for the contest. It is just for fun.

Having a flying squirrel as an unwanted pet is unique to say the least. I would prefer that we did not have this critter living with us, but I guess that is not my decision.

Peace.

An intruder in my home

He came into my home under the cover of night. Creeping through my house like a thief. He stole precious pieces of our lives — some of what I treasure most.

It wasn’t just that he was taking things that didn’t belong to him, he became destructive vandalizing our personal property. He destroyed items that were dearest to my son — things that he had had since he was a baby.

This monster is shredding clothes, stuffed animals and toys and eating all of our food.

This intruder to our lives has returned over and over again, almost nightly. Just when I think the nightmare is over, he is back.

We have asked him — begged him — to leave on his own accord. “Please, just let yourself out the way you came in. I promise I won’t tell anyone. Take what you need and go,” I begged him.

He refuses to listen.

The authorities are powerless. There is nothing they can do.

And when I first found him crouching in my kitchen rummaging through my cupboards, he seemed about as startled of me as I was of him.

I might not feel so badly about having to protect my family and rid the world of this continuous deleterious behavior pattern that has developed, had I not looked into his eyes — those almost too-big-for-his-own-head brownish-black eyes.

He is very cute. Adorable even. It is hard to think of that cute little face as a criminal. But tough as it may seem, that is what he is.

And just like that he was gone. Not gone from our lives for good, but gone into hiding to return again later. Sometimes several times a night.

I am loosing so much sleep laying in bed wide awake with the covers pulled tight up under my chin, waiting for his return. Knowing that at any moment, he will be back and the torture will continue.

This has been going on for at least three weeks. I haven’t had time to give it a lot of thought, but now it is as though his presence in my house is consuming my every thought.

It is time to take matters into my own hands. May God forgive me for what I might do.

Tonight, I am going to set a trap. Maybe two. Maybe even more.

I need to get that that little flying squirrel out of my house.

Yep. The intruder in my home is a flying squirrel. And let me tell you, while they are cute and adorable outside, they take on the appearance of a monster when they are inside.

Having critters of the outside world come inside is one of the hazards of living in the woods. It is going to happen. I have to admit, this little flying squirrel, while it is more destructive, it is less scary than when we had bats in the house. Then, I moved out for a week.

But this little flying squirrel has got to go. I really just want him gone. Well, to be fair, it could be a she flying squirrel.

But I doubt it.

Peace.

Firefighter funeral - Michael Wachsmuth Nov. 15

Michael Wachsmuth's funeral was Saturday, Nov. 15. These are some of the photos I took that day. You can see more on the Mille Lacs Messenger website at www.millelacsmessenger.com and click on the Big Blue Button on the right side of the screen.

Peace.

Michael Wachsmuth, Garrison Fire Department

Michael J. Wachsmuth
Garrison Fire Department
Born into this world on July 16, 1985
He left this world on Wednesday, November 12, 2008

May God welcome him into His house.

Funeral arrangements are:

Visitation For Mike will be held at Nelson Durand Funeral Home Friday, Nov. 14 at 6:00 to 8:00 pm
202 8th Ave NE Brainerd

There will be a Firefighters Funeral with a Procession from Nelson-Doran Funeral Home in Brainerd to Garrison, Saturday, Nov. 14. Line up fire trucks at 11:00 am to arrive at Garrison at 12:00.

The procession will arrive at Light of the Cross Lutheran Church at 12:00 pm. Address is 27170 Monroe Street Garrison, MN. 56450
Viewing from 12:00 to 1:00 pm.
Funeral at 1:00 pm.

Any Fire Departments not wanting to be in the procession but at the funeral can meet at the Garrison Fire Hall for a Static Pass-by.

Any participation would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You Bruce Breun
Please contact Captain Mike Schneider who will be serving as Funeral Officer, at 651-503-3353.

Michael will receive the full firefighter type 2 funeral given to honor his service to the community. It is a service performed with great care and tradition dating back hundreds of years.

There will be a procession from the funeral home in Brainerd to the Church in Garrison prior to the service. All fire departments across the state are encouraged to participate by dedicating a vehicle to the procession. Law enforcement agencies are also encouraged to participate as a gesture of solidarity.

Rest in peace, Michael

"Firemen never die, they just burn forever in the hearts of the people whose lives they saved." ~Susan Diane Murphree

Michael passed away today.

There is pain no more for Michael.

His suffering has ended.

I ask that God bring him safely home and be with his family and friends to bring them comfort. Michael is at peace.

It is difficult to not be sad. He was such a young man at 23. My heart aches for his family and friends for the loss they feel. My heart aches for all who knew him and for those who didn't have the opportunity to know him.

When a loved one dies it can feel as though something dies within our own hearts. A cloud covers our hearts and our eyes fill with tears. A physical ache that overpowers every other emotion and turns our lives upside down. This is hopefully temporary.

We try not to mourn his loss but instead celebrate his life. He was such a happy guy.
Renee Breun and I went down to visit him yesterday. He was surrounded by family. His room in ICU was over flowing with those who love him.


Wednesday, November 12 seemed like a good day to die for Michael.


"Angels descending, bring from above,
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love." ~Fanny J. Crosby


Peace.

p.s.

Michael did not die in the line of duty. But he is still a firefighter. This is for you Michael:


The Fireman's Prayer


When I am called to duty, God,

Whenever flames may rage;

Give me strength to save some life,

Whatever be its age.

Help me embrace a little child

Before it is too late

Or save an older person

From the horror of that fate.

Enable me to be alert

And hear the weakest shout,

And quickly and efficiently

To put the fire out.

I want to fill my calling

And to give the best in me

To guard my every neighbor

And protect his property.

And if, according to my fate,

I am to lose my life,

Please bless with your protecting

My children and my wife.

- Author Unknown

Michael's will to live

Just to set everyone straight, Michael Wachsmuth is hanging on. Michael is, however, in a coma.

Michael's request for his doctors and family late last night was that he be removed from the ventilator. The issue was discussed last night and the decision was made to wait until today. This morning, the family met with doctors and Michael again.

The machine has been turned off. Michael's heart stopped momentarily. But it started beating on it's own and he is breathing. There is just fresh air under his nose, or something like that.

As of 3:05 p.m., Michael is still fighting. Although he requested to be taken off the machines, he has a will to live. Or it is God's will.

Renee Breun and I drove to Rochester yesterday. Michael had a lot to say. To everyone.
He had specific instructions for everyone to follow. He spoke with his parents Mike and Laura, each separately one-on-one. He also had private conferences with his sisters Krista and April, his brother Andrew, his cousin Jeremy, his uncle Kenny, and the rest of his family and his friends had time to visit.

He asked me to come talk with him. He had me sit in the chair to his pillow and I looked into his eyes.

He had a lot to say but first and foremost he wanted you to know right now is that he was not afraid to die. "I am happy," he said. He said that a lot. And he smiled. A lot.

He was not angry, at the world or the doctors or anyone. He said given the choice between life and death he would rather chose life. But he is a card player and he played the hand that was dealt to him.

He was in pain yesterday, he finally admitted. He said he could feel it in his head and in his body he said. The nurse pumped him with more fentanyl and other pain medications.

Before the drugs to hold he had a lot more to say, most of which I will write separately in "Michael's wish" (coming soon). He mouthed the words and I needed help interpreting parts. His family was near to help me out.

Before he closed his eyes, he said, "I am done. I am ready."

I looked into his eyes. He knew, and I knew, it would be the last time we saw each other in this world. I rubbed his head with fuzzy black hair and said, "Peace, Michael."

And he said, "I am. Thank you."

And he closed his eyes to sleep.

Renee and I left shortly after. His family stayed. He later, with everybody he loved near, he asked to be taken off life support. After discussions with the family and doctors, it was decided to wait until morning.

Earlier in the day before I had my heart-to-heart with Michael, I spoke with one of his neuro doctors. Dr. Tamika Burras showed me and some family members his last MRI and explained what was going on and what they should expect next.

Before she began, she stressed that now was the time for Michael. If anybody had anything to say to him, they should do it then. "It could be hours or days," she said.

The primary tumor is on his brain stem. It is much larger than a quarter. Surrounding the tumor is fluid in a sac that makes it appear even larger. All together it, "it is extremely large," she said.

Because of the location on the brain stem, the tumor is inoperable. It is also putting pressure on his involuntary reflexes like breathing. He is also a quadriplegic and he cannot swallow.

There is a secondary tumor within his spinal column. This tumor is thick and runs from the edge of C-1 to far edge of C-4. Again, the doc said, "That is also extremely large."

She spoke a bit and answered all questions we could think of. Michael had requested to be resuscitated should he "code" - heart stop. Because he is on a vent, and because of his request, he cannot be moved to a different place to die.

She explained what would probably happen before his heart stops beating, he will slip into a coma. He would not wake up from the coma. And he would pass peacefully.

She did not believe that he would survive without the vent. However, Michael has once again, defied the odds. He is still alive.

So that is where we are at now.

Now is a time for prayer. It is not the time for anger, rumors, resentment. It is time for compassion. Pray for peace and comfort for family and loved ones during this difficult time.

Peace.


“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”

Yes, wedding bells

I am so sorry to have forgotten to mention some of the happiest news about Michael. Yesterday, Sunday, Nov. 9. Michael was married to his long-time sweet-heart Kayla. It was a very special ceremony complete with a pastor. (Technically, there is some confusion about a certified marriage license, but it doesn't really matter. Knowing Michael, he was most looking forward to the wedding night!) What matters most is the smiles the event brought to Michael's face. He smiles so much as it is, but apparently his wedding day meant the world to him.

As for his parents comments, I need to ask Laura, (so Laura if you call me that would be great,) but I have talked to Mike Sr. He said it was a great day. It was so much fun to see Michael laughing and smiling so much. Kayla is such a sweet-heart and they have known each other for, "like forever."

I will get more info on the wedding I am sure. Apparently, the whole room was full of happy people. At the center of it was Michael.

Thanks to Michelle for the note about the wedding.

Peace.

Michael's fight

I received word from Jeremy via text message. With his family members present, Michael has said his good-byes and final requests as of 1 p.m. this afternoon. It appears it is a time of waiting right now.

Through Jeremy standing by Michael's bedside in Rochester, Michael said thank you to everyone for their support and prayers. He wants his "story told from the beginning to his last breath so that this doesn't happen to someone else."

I will try to figure out exactly what he meant by his statement. As Jeremy continues to fight, his vitals are up and down. Then Jeremy had to go. He'll call me back later.

Michael's journey has been trying on both him and his family. I cannot imagine what it is like for any of them. In a few short months Michael has gone from having the stomach flu to celiac disease to bartonella, to brain cancer. It is malignant and inoperable. And that is where his story ends for some. But Michael wants more.

I will continue to give you more information and share what Michael has to say in the next few days.

Peace.


“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fighting a big fight

“Impossible situations can become possible miracles.” — Robert H. Schuller

I know I used that same quote not too long ago, but it is true. Sometimes the impossible can become the possible.

Michael is fighting. More important than his willingness, or need, to fight is
the fact that he believes he can win. Nothing is more important in life
than believing in yourself. With Michael wanting to fight -- and doing
a pretty good job -- and with prayers from those who also believe, who
knows what can happen.

Miracles happen everyday. Most of the time they are so small we hardly accept them as miracles. Things like sunshine, friends, love, the moon. It's the big miracles that make people stop and say, "Hey! That is a miracle." Like the birth of a baby,surviving a terrible accident, broken bones healing.

Or healing someone who is sick.

Like Michael.

All we can do is pray. The rest is up to God.

Peace.

The 23rd Psalm

Michael's family is in the midst of a dark hour. They have difficult decisions to make right now. Michael's body is shutting down. But his mind is very sharp. He knows what he wants and is trying to hang on "for his family" he said.

I hope he is not afraid. I hope that if it is God's will he will fight. I hope that if it is God's will, he will not.


The 23rd Psalm:


Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!

He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength. He helps me do what honors him the most.

Even when walking through the dark valley of death I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way.

You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies. You have welcomed me as your guest; blessings overflow!

Your goodness and unfailing kindness shall be with me all of my life, and afterwards I will live with you forever in your home.

-- The Book (Tyndale House Publishers)


Or if you prefer the King James version:

The 23rd Psalm

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.



Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.



Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

-- KJV

Peace.

Love is stronger than death

It is with a very sad heart that I write today.

Michael's tumors have grown. So much so, the doctors will not start treatment. One of the stipulations for treatment was for Michael to be able to breath on his own — without the use of the ventilator. I am afraid that is not possible at this time either.

I received an email from Jeremy, Michael's cousin yesterday afternoon just as I was getting ready to leave the office. I sat down, put my head in my hands and prayed. While I did, the tears began to flow. And I prayed some more.

Here is the email from Jeremy Wachsmuth:

this is the hardest and most emotional update yet. i have deleted this five times cause i just don't know how to say this. so i will just be straight to the point. Michael had a mri today and the tumors are twice the size they were a week ago. this means there will be no treatment. he will be moved out of the hospital to somewhere for him to be comfortable until dies. i do not know where this will be yet. . . . i now just ask everybody to pray for him to go through this with the least amount of pain as possible. thank you all for your support you have given.
jeremy

As you go about your daily chores, please take a moment to think about and pray for Michael.

As of right now, I don't have a time line. I don't know if they will be able to move him. I know the family is looking at options. They are taking with doctors and clergy and will update me when they can.

Fishgirl44 asked a question in comment to the last entry. She wanted to know if Michael would be coming home. To his mom or his dad's, she asked.

In my opinion, the answer to that question is difficult and depends on your beliefs.
I don't believe Michael will make it back home to either is mom's or dad's house. And that is very sad realization. But it might be time to go to his Father's house.

Miracles can happen. And, "with God, everything is possible." (Matthew 19:26)
I don't want to sound all gloom and doom. So I just pray. I know that there is a plan and I sometimes question the reasoning for the plan. Some things, just don't make sense. To me. And to others. This brain cancer of Michael's is one thing that doesn't make sense.

Someone else posted a comment that said, "he doesn't deserve this." I don't think that is part of the plan. I don't think that God points to certain people and says, "I will give you inoperable brain cancer. And you will have breast cancer but live 30 more years. You there in the sun, I will give you melanoma and the other one next to you will just get wrinkles."

I don't think That God gives people, or allows them, to get illnesses — or to not get illnesses because that person is good or bad — deserving or not deserving. I think those judgements are left for the day at the Pearly Gates.

I just got a call from a young girl named Sam. Sam knows Michael and offered to help with the benefit planned for Dec. 6. One thing that Sam said at the end of our conversation is probably what a lot of people are feeling. Sam said, "I am really scared."

I think that situations like this do scare people. People of all ages. But Sam, put it in words.

Perhaps that is why the one comment talked about deserving. We don't understand why things happen. It is confusing. And that scares us.

What Michael needs more than anything is compassion. Love. Positive energy. Prayers. Michael needs to know he is not alone. We all need to tell him that in any way we can.

“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” - Unknown author

God bless Michael, his family and his friends.
Peace.

A miracle for Michael

“Impossible situations can become possible miracles.” — Robert H. Schuller


Not all things can be explained. Some of life's questions are easy and there is a definitive answer with reasoning behind it. Like 2 plus 2 equals 4.

It is the big questions that are hardest to understand. Those questions that simply ask, "Why?"

There are sometimes no answers to that question.

Garrison firefighter Michael Wachsmuth has been diagnosed with fibrillary astrocytoma. A malignant brain tumor.

I will not attempt to explain what it is. Rather I pulled a quote from the Mayo Clinic website and put it here. Just Google it if you want more information.

Astrocytomas originate from cells called astrocytes and are most commonly found in the main part of the brain, the cerebrum. People can develop astrocytomas at any age, though they are more common in adults. Astrocytomas in the base of the brain are more common in young people.

Mayo Clinic is highly experienced in treating astrocytomas. Mayo Clinic in Minnesota is ranked No. 1 in Neurology and Neurosurgery by U.S. News & World Report.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/glioma/astrocytomas.html?wt.srch=1&wt.mc_id=Yahoo&keyword=minnesota_brain_tumor_astrocytoma&campaign=mcr_neurosurgery&state=minnesota&OVRAW=astrocytoma&OVKEY=astrocytoma&OVMTC=standard&OVADID=3274130013&OVKWID=32084089013

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astrocytoma

I rode along with Bruce Breun, Mike Schneider and Jason Stiernagle, some of the Garrison firefighters, yesterday as they went to visit their firefighting brother. When we arrived, Laura, Michael mother gave us the news. The diagnosis was malignant brain tumor and the prognosis is grim. She asked us to be positive when we talked with her son. A request that was easy to understand.

She said Michael is unable to move from the neck down and still had a breathing tube in his throat. He can move his head slightly to say yes or no. He can blink his eyes and he can smile. He is anxious to get the tube out of his mouth so he can at least mouth words. Right now, since he cannot move his arms, he cannot use sign language. Communication is difficult for him at this point.

But when those firefighters walked into his room in the ICU unit on Mary Brigh at the Mayo Clinic, I could have sworn Michael's face was glowing. Seeing him talk with his brothers was a wonderful thing.

He smiled a lot yesterday morning. He complained only a little. He was hungry and wanted to eat real food. And he wanted that tube out of his mouth more than anything.

He gets along quite well with his nurse, Erin. I think he has a crush on her. I think it will be much easier for him to flirt with her when he does get that tube out. For to see him smile can turn any body's heart upside down.

Erin said she enjoys working with Michael. That he is a sweetheart and a fighter.

And that he is. He is a fighter.

He needs to keep on fighting. He needs to regain his strength. He needs to be able to breath on his own.

Michael's astrocytoma is a grade 4 and is inoperable. His hope for survival clings to a thread of a chance for radiation to shrink the tumors and stop the spreading. To begin any treatment, he needs to get off the ventilator and breath on his own.

Please pray for Michael to fight. Please pray for Michael to be able to breath on his own so that he can begin treatment.

What is needed now is a miracle for Michael.

Peace.

“Miracles happen to those who believe in them.” — Bernard Berenson

Michael Wachsmuth condition worsens

The family of Michael Wachsmuth wish to thank everyone for your continued support and prayers. If you read the comments posted on the last blog entry, you know Mike is not doing well at this time.

Michael had surgery on Friday. The doctors performed a biopsy and confirmed the spots are tumors. They do not know what kind at this time. One doctor told Mike Sr. they are "rapidly growing" tumors. The pathology report is estimated to be done at the earliest Monday late, and most likely Tuesday or Wednesday.

On Saturday, Michael was able to move his fingers and toes, however, by Sunday, he had little movement from the neck down. He can blink his eyes and Mike Sr. believes Micheal knows what is going on around him.

Michael is unable to breath on his own. He was placed on a ventilator yet he still tries to move his mouth and lips. The doctors will replace the endotracheal tube (that is inserted through the mouth) with a trach tube. (A tracheostomy is a surgical procedure on the neck to open a direct airway through an incision in the trachea (the windpipe).

Mike Sr. said the doctors have told him Michael's condition is grave.

In an email to me this morning, Jeremy, Michael's cousin wrote: "Please every one pray for Michael, pass this on to family and friends the more people that pray for him the better. thank you for all your support. I will do what I can to update you."

That pretty much sums it up.

Prayers are needed.

Peace.